Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The loneliest time of the year

I live such a lonely life. Honestly. How did I end up this way? 
I love my friends, I really do. But I most often feel like I give so much more than I get. Not that I give to get, but just that I'm not getting fed the way that I feed others. 
I wish I had someone to confide in. Someone here who knows this particular situation I'm in, and I can talk through my thoughts and feelings with. 
I just want, need, a companion. Someone I can always count on to do things with, or go places with. I feel like I'm someone people can always count on, but who can I count on? 

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Limitless Yet Limiting

I've had this blog for years and still haven't managed to make blogging a habit, or even post semi-regularly. This year particularly it's been a goal of mine, partly because I think it would be healthy for me, and partly because I would love to have a single place for my thoughts and projects documented; help me keep everything organized, my thoughts, my life, in front of me, tangible, so maybe I can keep it together. I think my perfectionism and not knowing where to start is partly to blame, as well as not finishing things I start, but now that I think about it I think there's another guilty party. I have multiple outlets at my disposal that I use to share things that interest me or random things I'm thinking or feeling at a given time. I'm constantly on twitter an instagram and pinterest. But these things are limitless yet limiting. I have to sensor myself because of who follows me or because I only have 140 characters. Or giving too much of myself away. Or my perfectionism again. My hope is that on here, eventually, I can put everything in one place. And not be scared to post something for fear of it being right or wrong or not worthy or whatever. I have to trust myself that I'll eventually find my groove, and even if I don't it's okay because it's not the end of the world. IT'S JUST A BLOG. And it's not like anyone reads it anyway! I just want to better myself. I want to become the best me I can be. I want to grow continually. I want to be great. I want to be proud of myself. I want to set goals and achieve them. I want to post things that make me laugh or make me think or encourage me or challenge me. Because I am funny and I am smart and I have good taste and I am HUNGRY for more. But until I can post without restraint, to help me build a habit, maybe the best start is a Friday Five. Five random thoughts for the week behind or week ahead. Just blog about 5 things and lets see where it goes from there. Until then..